The Sermon on the Mount in the Gospel of Matthew is the first extended lesson from the Great Teacher. Included in the lesson is a section on prayer. It's an item of interest to everyone who practices their faith in an active way, and as a pastor it's one of the most frequent areas of interest that I encounter on the part of those who are seeking a deeper faith.

The teachings in Matthew 6 include the advice to not use prayer as a "show," as those who pray publically, but to "go into your room and shut the door and pray to your Father who is in secret; and your Father who sees in secret will reward you." This advice is followed with the words of the Lord's Prayer.

All of this suggests that prayer is a relational exercise: it's about your relationship with God (not as a show for others), and the relational words at the beginning of the Lord's Prayer ("Our Father...") emphasize that. Prayer is the way to grow your relationship with God, and like all relationships it takes time and commitment.

But I also find it helpful to consider the variety of ways to pray, and to think of prayer itself as more than the "words" themselves. Prayer is a spiritual exercise, not a word exercise - so don't confuse the words with the prayer! Words can be helpful to prayer in expressing the relationship. But just like in other relationships sometimes it's the words that get in the way. Words are one tool that help us to pray, but they are not the whole relationship of prayer.

Roy Oswald is helpful is distinguishing between "kataphatic" prayers in which we approach God with words, concepts, and images; and "apophatic" prayer in which we listen for and "wait" on God. The exercise of apophatic prayer is more about quieting the body and mind in order to be open to experience the presence of God. In other words, prayer, like all relationships, are two-way. There's a time to speak and a time to listen - and both are helpful in prayer.

I also find it helpful to consider "place" in prayer. Is there a place where you experience the presence of God? Does a walk in the woods or nature help you to feel that closeness? Does water remind you of your baptism and the movement of the Spirit in your life? I personally find that in the right "place" I can open up to God effortlessly.

Finally, perhaps music is helpful to you. While writing this I was playing a CD of Taizé music given by a friend. Luther said that those who sing pray twice. Music has the power to prompt our spirits to be in tune with God's Spirit.

1. What have you found most helpful in your prayer life that you can offer to other readers. Are there any suggestions in this article you find helpful?

2. What are the prayer concerns which you have right now - either for others or yourself. (If this is of continuing interest, I may look for a place to list such concerns on the web, using only first names and last initials if the person is agreeable to that. It's also possible to list your first name and prayer ask for prayers for a "friend" or "relative."

Please send your comments to: blogs@bethel-ucc.org. Please place the title, Prayer in Relationship in the subject line.

My prayers changed dramatically several years ago after reading The Seat of the Soul, by Gary Zukov. Oh, I'd been reading lots of self-help books, and had other favorite authors, but for some reason this book furnished me with one of those "Ah-hah!" moments for which I am eternally grateful.

Up until this time my prayers had centered around the "whys" in my life. Why was my life so hard, why did I have to struggle so as a single parent, why couldn't I meet some really nice guy for a change, why was I so poor, why didn't I get child support, why was God singling me out, why, why, why?

One day I just stopped asking why and started saying "thank you." Thank you for this wonderful, gifted child, thank you for my family, thank you for music, for fresh food on the table, for the beautiful day. And guess what? All those whys went away, along with many of the reasons that caused me to question God in the first place. I learned, instead of asking God for help with the burden, (and being angry with Him to boot) I thanked him for the strength I had in the first place that allowed me to bear it.

Guess what? The burdens got lighter and lighter with each prayer. Wonderful things started "falling" in my direction. I got scholarships. So did my daughter. I graduated. I got a good job. Bought a decent used car. The list goes on.

I concuded it was my prayers that needed the adjustment, not God's ears. I think God likes to be thanked, more than He likes to hear constant complaining. The answer to all my whys, was to count my blessings instead of my woes.