There's a couple of ways that come to mind...
On the one hand, haven't you done something good, offered some encouragement, reached out to help and came away from it feeling good about yourself for having done what you did? Perhaps even more so than the person it helped, in another way it was of value to you with your own sense of self-worth. It was a good thing to do.
But on the other hand, perhaps you've had the experience too of just sitting, really doing nothing, but in the quietness or in the beauty of your surroundings, or in the calmness from your spirit within you feel a sense of your own value. And it's not from outside of yourself or from anything you've done, it's simply that in those moments you feel from within, from your own spirit, a peace within yourself.
Two different ways in which we might experience our sense of worth. The philosophers often talk about these two sides - being and doing. Being and doing. And it's not that scripture frowns on "doing," but it does have some cautions about "doing" alone - a sense of self worth that is totally based on what you do.
In a way, it's the Mary and Martha dilemma. Remember the story? Martha is cooking and baking and serving and cleaning up while Mary sits, talking with Jesus and the other disciples. Now partly it's a story about women's place and role. In Hebrew society the men discussed Torah while the women tended to the home. It was the same with that whole Salem witch hunt thing, and women who wanted to study scripture. So part of it's about that important point - Jesus' assertion that women are welcome in the discussion.
But the other part is about being and doing. And Mary and Martha serve as the study in opposites. Martha, active and moving, and in the story judgmental of Mary, and Mary sitting, being with Jesus.
Now maybe you've known Martha's in your life....Martha's who seem bent on doing, even a bit driven in doing. And even when they avoid judging others like the Martha of the story, still you find yourself still wishing for them the ability to be still, to balance the sense of worth received from what one does with a sense of worth that comes from who one is.
In the scriptures today I was struck by the lack of "action." They're really stories in which nothing really happens. Paul greets the Corinthians, giving thanks for them, for who they are in relationship to Jesus Christ. The only action in John is Jesus walking by. John recognizes him, some of John's own disciples decide to follow him. They ask Jesus where he is staying. "Come and see," he says, and they follow him and stay with him. They stay with him.
And that's it. They just spend time with Jesus. Like Mary.
The thrust seems to be on "being" or "staying" rather than doing...
And that reflects, a bit, the slant of most Christian theology on this whole discussion between "being" and "doing." The suggestion seems to be, "Just live with Jesus awhile." Come to know him, and through him, come to know yourself, and the rest will unfold - what you need to do will follow...
Now let me be clear. No where in scripture, and nothing in what I'm suggesting is a judgment on purposeful, meaningful, Kingdom-building action. The point isn't for us all to let go and join monasteries and retreat into pure "sitting" and "staying." That's a kind of passive faith that becomes anemic and ingrown and self-absorbed. And sometimes the church and sometimes people of faith err on that side too. Sometimes we are too passive.
But the point is to let the action flow from the calm within rather than the frantic need to do something or manage something or control something. It's in that kind of anxiousness that God is trying to reach us with a calm voice, to get through to us with a message that for all our pushing and pulling we will not, in the end, create the Kingdom for ourselves so much as we will allow it to be, to be open to it, to simply get out of its way and stop preventing it.
If we were to study Martin Luther King's philosophy of social action, the irony is that it had much more to do with being than doing. It was out of a sense of self worth that came from within, that was secure in God's love, that allowed people to just sit and stand - whether it was Rosa Parks sitting on the bus or people standing on a bridge. The actions were more about "being" and "staying." And it ended up to be the opposition that were prompted to action - a frantic kind of action of trying to keep people in what they believed was their place. But all their actions were weak, based on fear rather than hope - action cut off from any peace within.
And here's the thing...have you ever tried to tell an anxious person to be calm? You might as well try to stop the earth from revolving around the sun. And you run the risk of being anxious about their anxiousness, just compounding it all. Jesus loved both Mary and Martha. And in the same way Martin Luther King's preaching of love for all affirmed that he wasn't trying to take any self-worth away from anyone. But what he did end up showing us all was that our self worth can't come from trying to take a sense of worth away from others.
The first thing the disciples did was simply to stay with Jesus. Their first action was to get a sense of who they were, who Jesus was. The rest would follow. The Christian is called to act...but to act out of faith and trust, not anxiousness. First it's about being.
In my seminary training I had heard about ministry of "presence." It was the rage...an idea of Henri Nouwen. And the idea was that sometimes there is nothing to say, that your presence means more than anything. I was skeptical.
Then we moved to our first church. Moving from our small apartment, it seemed to me that all that was necessary was to rent a truck. We could do it ourselves and save the church some money. Did I mention I can get caught up in doing? A few months later surgery was needed. It turned out to be a hernia. But because there were some unusual symptoms, it was billed as exploratory - a big question mark. And I'll always remember the Pastor of the big church in town (we were in the country church) coming to my room. In a new community, in a strange hospital, I don't think I even realized how unsettled I was. And busy as he was, and I wasn't a member of his church. But he came and stayed, and sat there. He didn't do anything, only spoke a few words. But I appreciated it so much.
"Where are you staying?" the disciples asked. "Come and see," said Jesus. And so the movement began...
Let us pray,
Sometimes, O God, we can take the weight of the world on our shoulders thinking that it all depends on us. And it's not that we don't have a calling and a responsibility to fulfill. But remind us that we are not alone...that your love and grace surrounds us, and is the real source of our strength. So may we be at peace within...and act from peace, for peace. Amen.